The Science of Time Travel (and surviving it)

Day 3 of Romance Week and I don’t know if it should be in for the weekends or just until Friday, we’ll see!

In the world of romance, time travel is more of a normal occurrence than in science fiction. Seriously, if the person you are destined with is not in your current time line then obviously they’re in the past or the future!

Usually the past though.

Just cause then frilly dresses and kilts or horses are then involved.

Never you mind the logic of how and why but it usually happens to some female in our present time line (21st century) via magic or because it is in their fates. If you’re a guy reading this, then too bad for you because the survival guide is mostly for femmes. I’ll write some other guide for guys tomorrow!

The one on the left is “When There is Hope” by Jane Goodger. In fact, you can blame that book for starting the whole romance bit for me! Or you can backtrack even further because I bought that book (it was cheap and second hand) in a store near my secondary school and we had school assembly and I forgot to bring a book to read (it was compulsory that we needed to read something anyway).

So uh, blame the school system for you being blasted with romance!

But yes, you see… In romance, time travel is pretty easy. All you got to do is… Get hit in the head with a coma or die in a traffic accident where your soul will be transported into the past into the body of another woman!

These things happen more often than you think.

Also, usually the other body of said woman is hotter and said other woman is gone due to her being a horrid witch and that her soul has gone to damnation and the heroine is just there to use the body and set things right.

This is all balanced because even if it’s within horrid circumstances, there’s a hero there involved that makes things much more manageable.

I’m partial to Jane Goodger and if you ever see “When There is Hope”, BUY IT because it’s not in print any more (I think) since the last publication was in 1996. It is THAT nice of a story and the anguiiiish.

Okay, this is me being practical but if I went back in time into the body of some hot lady and am a princess of Whatsis, would it be a yes for me to stay there if possible? SO HERE IS A GUIDE IN SURVIVING TIME TRAVEL!

7 Tips to Surviving Time Travel if You’re a Romance Heroine

1) The internet doesn’t exist any more.

Understand your situation and that where ever you are in the past, you’re not ever going to touch the internet because computers haven’t been invented yet. Stop sobbing that you can’t twitter or do live journal posts any more. Cut it out and deal with it.

2) Check your current situation

It depends on your luck if you have a fairy Godmother or a sorceress as a guide. Usually angels will bring you revelation if any of the above aren’t there. However, if your guides are not available, fret not!

Check the status of the men surrounding you. If they’re wearing a skirt like thingy, that’s a kilt then you’re in some Scottish isle somewhere. Water would be eminent. If the men are wearing fur, you might have stumbled into some viking story! If yet the men are alas, wearing pants then you might have been in a somewhat civilized country like the Victorian age or perhaps in the time of knights.

3) Knowing who you are

Before prancing around in your new body, take stock if you have big boobies or rather pert ones. This is important as the hero will no doubt describe how good they are in the course of the later parts of the story. It wouldn’t do to be surprised if you didn’t have the similar sort of boobs in your previous body. Also, it is IMPORTANT to play the amnesia card here in case people send you off to the asylum to get treated. That way, you can have people explaining to you what had happened.

4) Using modern skills in the past

You can’t help it. Perhaps you’re in the Victorian age or just in the age when business is thriving and that it is still in the beginnings of a new world. Do you remember all that’s happened in the future? OF COURSE YOU DO.

For if you are dead in the future (our current present) because of something and that’s how you are transfered to the past, write a letter and find a law firm that would survive the times. With that done, write all the stock information that’s going to happen in the future and buy some bonds for said recipient of the package. Usually it would be your mourning fiance/husband/boyfriend. The money will console them somehow along with your great-great-great-great granddaughter who seems to meet him after your death.

That or pretend all the knowledge you have are skills of magic. Don’t do this if they’re burning witches where you are though.

5) There’s another man after you!

You’re freaking irresistible for who knows what reason. Besides the hero, there’s another man who wants you and will kidnap you for ransom or for other activities. If not a man, a jealous woman who wants the hero!

It is inevitable so don’t act surprised if you’re tied up on a tree in a secluded island or in a tower somewhere. Learn some skills such as climbing, hiding and disguises. They will help when you make your escape back to your home.

6) Be nice to people and not to cuss

I know this might be common sense but being nice to people means that they’ll help hide you from attackers or will side with you whenever the hero gets surly due to a misunderstanding. Furthermore since you are in the past, it would not do to cuss. Feel free to do so when you wish to shock people though because it stuns them to hear a pretty girl doing so.

7) Tell the truth only to the hero at the end of everything

You can’t help it. You will want to tell that you’re from the future. Do this only after the hero will believe whatever you say and after multiple sexings. If you do this in the beginning, you will be thrown into an asylum and be locked away. That would be utterly bad. By this point the hero will believe you and hurrah to you for surviving the whole ordeal!

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And that’s the 7 tips to surviving it! If you should suddenly find yourself in the past, don’t forget to send me stock market tips or bonds for me to claim since I’m sure these tips will help you immensely.